The best online translator I have come across to date

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery

This Is Just to Say
I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold
-- by William Carlos Williams



This Is Just to Say
I have squeezed
the oranges
that were hanging
from the tree

and which
you were probably
saving
for mimosas

Forgive me
they were delicious
but no buzz with brunch
--by Valencia



This Is Just to Say
I broke
your leg
while we
were at the dance
last night

Forgive me
I am so clumsy
and your feet
are too big
--by Valencia

A heated exchange on the occasion of Steve Irwin's untimely passing

DJ wrote:
Since we're on a roll, let me know by tonight if anyone wants to go in on flowers for Steve Irwin's family.

B (Mr. Roo) wrote:
You have spent way too much time thinking of Steve Irwin today. True, we will all miss him, but you called Roo *this morning* to talk about it. It's now the middle of the afternoon!

DJ wrote:
There is no such thing as "too much time thinking of Steve Iriwn," heart of ice. Now cough up your freaking $15.00.

Crocodile tears
coursing down my ruddy cheeks:
Crikey! Steve's no more.

Heart of ice says: "You
should spend less time mourning him!"
I say, "G'day, mate."

Angry crocs and pissed-
off rhinos were par for the
course; courage, old bloke!

Fifteen ruddy bucks
buys a carnation bouquet.
B says, "No way, man—

"I will spend my bucks
on fast cars and loose women!
Screw that lunatic."

So, I cry alone,
crocodile tears of pain,
coursing down my cheeks.


Steve Irwin, 1962-2006

What RMJS saw on her trip to Vegas

Roo wrote:
Quidem? On one hand,
The contortionist holds strong.
Cirque du Soleil rocks!

Monkey on her back

On the occasion of having written seventeen bad haikus in seven days Roo wrote:
Should we intervene?
She is a total addict!
No, it’s just haiku.

Half-Pint takes a lover

Roo wrote:
Buck-toothed little girl,
I have never felt like this.
Manly! Oh, Manly!

Do-It-Yourself

Roo wrote:
"D, help pick the paint.
I've finished all the priming."
Oh no, Buffy's on.

Thank God—commercial.
There are too many options.
I just can't decide!

Three options are good.
"Champagne seemed so straightforward."
Wait, this one's nice too.

Can of paint in hand,
G works on home improvement.
D sits on her ass.

On the occasion of Pluto's being demoted to Dwarf Planet

Roo wrote:
Alas, small Pluto,
your exalted title stripped,
you're now a planette.

Rock bottom

Today am spiritual child of Corky Thatcher and Ellen Pompeo, but DO wish to give you some giggles. Will have to forage Teh Internets (it is not a truck---it is a series of tubes) to do the dirty work for me.

Ooh! Here we go. FUNN TRIVIA: Chris Burke (Corky Thatcher) tours with his three-piece folk band. --courtesy of imdb.com.

Impotent rage

Jerf wrote:
Afternoon, fellow cows. I have just arranged for the aforementioned gift cert to be mailed to RAF. The person to whom I spoke was a trifle cryptic regarding how the taxes worked. As far as I can tell, the cost to each of us will be: $[redacted]. Please refrain from sending your checks until I can ascertain the exact amount. I should know in a day or so. Am pretty sure it will not be more than the amount previously mentioned. Sound good?

DJ wrote:
Parfait, hoss. And my favorite part of the arrangement is the "don't pay me, yet" part. BFFs!

Jerf wrote:
Don't get too excited, B. I will get my money out of ewe when it is time. I have my ways.

DJ wrote:
What? I can't-- I can't hear you. There's interference. Hello? Is this the NSA? What? Jerf, are you telling me you owe ME $[redacted], heifer? hello? *crackle crackle* *static*

Jerf wrote:
Right. You just go on thinking that. In the meantime, I know where you live and I am not afraid to defy my MD's advice and fly out and kick your ass.

DJ wrote:
JERF: *marches up to twelvebrick* *rings doorbell* *repeatedly*

DJ: *peers out window to see hulking mass of 8.5-month-pregnant Jerf* *goes back to sofa* *eats Teddy Grahams*

JERF: *screaming* I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE, HEIFER!

DJ: *flips between HGTV and food network* *sips Tab*

Had Voldemort targeted baby Neville Longbottom instead . . .

Jerf wrote:
Alice Longbottom would not have been able to die forNeville. So Neville would probably have been the Boy Who Died.

Just because I'm pretty don't mean I'm deep

NAMES I CONSIDERED OF FOR BLOG AND DISCARDED:
plastic
shallow
lower your expectations
pretty deep
deep teaspoon
shiny teaspoon
shiny things
shiny pretty things
clever automator
shiny
butter yellow
no mice, please
shiny snarky
pretention
pretentious
purple lake of desolation
clever titles
zinger
deep as a teaspoon
hard-boiled egg
Teh Shiny
deeply flawed
po-try

Tie me up . . .

OH MY GOD!!! I can't believe I forgot to tell you this. Last Thursday as Mr. DJ and I were snuggling, watching 'fice, Mr. DJ started squealing like a girl. Confused, I watched him bound up the stairs and run back, holding one of his ties I eschew. It was THE EXACT SAME TIE MICHAEL SCOTT WAS WEARING.

POSTSCRIPT: Wife got her wish and was allowed to retire the cravat that day. <-- happy ending

Cult of personality

DJ wrote:
That same FNL article I kept quoting last night said that now all the cast have entourages. JERF! *I* WANT TO BE IN THEIR ENTOURAGES!!

*books ticket for Austin*

Jerf wrote:
What would we add to their entourages? I could walk Zach's dog. You could make them pasta. We could scout out cool spots for them to hang in Austin.

DJ wrote:
Oh, entourages aren't always actually functional, per se. Have you SEEN "Entourage" on HBO, sow? I think I might adore being in Connie's entourage. She's just wonderful. Minka's would be Xtreme and Mountain Dewish. Not so much me. But Adrianne might be fun and down to Earth. She's from Toledo, you know. Aimee, sweetheart, is just too young. Barely eighteen. Though, I think I could function quite well as a shooter of bull in Landry's entourage. And you KNOW what function I would rock in TAYLOR'S entourage.

JERF: *innocently* Bouncer?

DJ: SHEEEEYUT IT!

JERF: *hee*

Jerf wrote:
Of the women, I think I would choose Connie. Maybe Adrianne second, for the exact reason you mentioned. I think Kyle C. would be tons of fun. I love that he swears, because I love to swear too. Plus, I could get close to the hair. It would be like two celebs in one.

DJ wrote:
Ooh! I know, Jerf. You could be the professional tube top breaker-inner.

CONFESSION: I don't think I could be in Kyle's entourage because I would TOTALLY Landry out on him. I'd just be too much in crush to function as a normal, sane human being. There would be issues. Lots of stumbling. Stress rashes. Not pretty.



Jerf wrote:
*ignores tube top commentary*

I think Kyle would be a lot of fun! I bet he would make you feel comfortable around him. With the way his eyes get all crinkly when he smiles? Awesome.

DJ wrote:
*incredulous* Jerf, do you even REMEMBER me in high school??

Jerf wrote:
Okay. I see your point.

Sordid

Jerf wrote:
Have I ever shown you the AD blooper reels? Oh, beezus God. They are on You Tube, if you haven't seen them.

DJ wrote:
Send Earl (URL), heifer!

Jerf wrote:
I could not find them on YouTube. I am going to need to send you the DVDs. I will send you a package.

*DJ starts hyperventilating excitedly*

I mean a box of DVDs, heifer. Calm down.

DJ wrote:
DJ: *receives mailing from jerf* Oh, goodie! *tears off wrapping* *opens box* *finds bloody, severed penis* hhhhhhhk!

Self-esteem

DJ wrote:
We are amazing. Should gild selves and place on shelf.

Jerf wrote:
Why don't people worship us as we so deserve? I don't get it.

DJ wrote:
THEORIES ABOUT UNDERAPPRECIATION OF JERF AND DJ:
-DJ doesn't leave house
-Jerf is bitchy

*looks at you brightly*

can'ya think of any others?!!

Grrl POW-er

Jerf wrote:
Yay, Jo, for writing complex female characters! Hermione is a great character, and I think Lily, Petunia, and Molly are really rich and deep too. And let's not forget Winky . . .

DJ wrote:
WINKY: *squeaks* hello, everybo--

*BANG*

DJ: *blows smoke emitting from barrel of gun*

Ante-partum self-assessment

Jerf wrote:
You know? All of the sudden? I feel a lot better about myself. I mean, I may have my issues, but that girl? Dayum. That photo of her pregnant with the Lt. Dangle denim cutoffs and the ciggy? Crikey. Horrifying. I won't go within twenty feet of someone who is smoking OUT OF DOORS.

DJ wrote:
*jerf begins wearing 'ternity hot pants and smoking crack*
*teeth fall out*
*goes platinum*

Jerf wrote:
Have you heard about my new fragrance line? It's available at Walgreens.

DJ wrote:
Ooh. Is it called Provocative? And is bottled in a glitter-gold cannister?

Jerf wrote:
It's called "Trucker Cap" and is bottled in a miniature bottle of malt liquor.

DJ wrote:
Ooh! nice! Do you have a cartoon Wild Turkey as your spokesfowl?

Jerf wrote:
No. I am the spokesfowl (spokesfoul). But I do carry a bag of Turkey Jerky in the front seat of my hooptie in the commercial. Cuz, you know, the beef kind is fattening, and I have some Lt. Dangles to fit into for my next red carpet event!

DJ wrote:
what's a hooptie?

FROM:

CORKY THATCHER

Jerf wrote:
hooptie = car that a gangsta would ride, often involving "low rider" tires and custom hydraulic systems

DJ wrote:
Thank Jesus for you.

Jerf wrote:
Am sage in manner of Dalai Lama or Dr. Phil.

DJ wrote:
JERF: mmmrrrmdbrrrrkdbrr faster'n'weasle on'treadmillmrrrrdhhhrrnn.
DJ: Phil!

Hairy predicament

Jerf wrote:

WHAT NEEDS WAXING: my Thewlis

DJ wrote:

WHAT NEEDS WAXING: that effing wiry hair that sticks out of my jaw. Ew. Will be hideous old woman, hands trembling too much to successfully pluck.

*sigh*

Jerf wrote:

At least you don't look like Snidely Whiplash.

BAD: So, I was mopping a couple days ago and mopped a big chunk out of my hoof. Must wait until it heals prior to getting a 'cure. I look like a Hobbit.

DJ wrote:

Well, that was fewlish.

Have coordination of Jason Street's lower half. Ought to wear steel-toed boots when brushing teeth.

Our better halves

Jerf wrote:
Funny how our husbands are so similar. I bet they would get along really well if they hung out, don't you? Both are quiet and smart, like sports but not manically, and have excellent and discerning taste in life partners.

DJ wrote:
Our darling husbands' sharing a Chris-tee-an name is no coincidence. Fate had a hand in their christening.

FATE:
*in Glinda voice*
*to Mr. DJ and Mr. Jerf*

And to you, even tempered, mild mannered and true, never wanting in patience, hard working, never blue, I christen you [redacted], or nicknames thereof. Now, go forth! Be merry! And marry for love.

*turning to Jerf and DJ*

Now for you, my heart-blackened, snarky sistren, harsh are your "gifts"; but lest you offend, your acid tongues will be sweetened with wit. And to you, young DJ, I grant you huge t**s. And lest humankind despair from your collective snoot, I enable your expression entirely in haiku!

*fairy dust*

Poetic reflection on the beauty of impending motherhood

Jerf wrote:

Wide as I am tall
you can just paint me purple
and call me Grimace.

Compassion

WHY WE SHOULD FEEL SORRY FOR SEAN PRESTON AND JAYDEN JAMES FEDERLINE (LW, do not read this):

12. Mommy's breast milk tastes like Red Bull.
11. It's hard having to keep track of various and sundry half-sibs produced by incontinent parents.
10. Annual nervous anticipation of Christmas offering from Auntie Shar
9. Getting mocked by Suri Cruise and Shiloh Jolie-Pitt for having crazy parents
8. "Cheeto-lung"
7. Mandatory attendance at Papozao tour, plus requirement to work as security/sound check staff/equipment managers when funds are low. And it is darn hard to put a woofer in a stroller.
6. It's humiliating knowing that children in Ethiopia are sacrificing, scrounging to save birrs to send to Britney's Kids charity
5. Juicy Couture onesies grab the naughty bits in an uncomfortable way.
4. Cigarette kisses
3. That effing shark tank
2. Daddy makes us dress like him (See: Pampers at half-mast)
1. There's no L'Arche in Malibu.

--by JERF and DJ

No one leaves Mr. Sandman in the corner

PLEASE KNOW:

That in the dream I just had now while taking an afternoon nap (never a good idea if Iwant to be alert in the evening) I was preparing lunch (chicken sandwiches and salad) for Jennifer Aniston, Angelina Jolie, and Brad Pitt. Jen kept wanting to leave the room and have me follow her so she could share how she felt, because she was super uncomfortable (understandably) sharing in front of Angelina and 'Pitt. And then 'Pitt and I did an "ironic" warbling of "I've Had the Time of My Life." But I laughed way more than he did, so I was a little insecure by the last strains.

U raise me up

DJ wrote:
By the by . . . did you know that the term "soccer," like the term "non-speakers," was coined by a british ancestor of Hooray Henry and the Sloane Rangers? Yes, indeed. A public school lad, when asked which sport he preferred, said he liked "SOCCER, not ruggers" ("soccer" being the upper-crust Britishism of adding -er to the word "soc," which in turn stood for "Association Football").

*cue star burst*

The More You Know.

Also? One time, while living in the United States, Jessica "Decca" Mitford waited over six weeks on pins and needles for information from her sister Nancy who insisted on sending her news from England by regular post and not airmail, because Nancy determined that airmail is "decidedly non-U [not Upper-class]," since it's vulgar and bourgeois to be in a hurry.

Spinning procrastination as a virtue,
dj

Jerf wrote:
Ha! Too perfect. We are just being refined when we put stuff off. Like, say, for example, setting up the nursery. Only non-U people are actually prepared for major life events. Am I right? I think we should definitely add the term "non-U" to our vocab.

DJ wrote:
Decidedly! And please note that it's U to be brusque and straightforward. Only scraping social climbers worry about offending people.

I knew I had it in me all along,
dj

Jerf wrote:
Am worried that some of our habits are too low-brow. For example, shoe shopping at DSW: Would the Mitford women shop there? Something tells me they would not. Also, our love of Tex-Mex chains (you with Chipotle and me with Moe's). Also, my watching of "Idol." I like to think I watch it in a spirit of irony, so maybe that's okay. Also, what to do about Tarj? My whole life is dictated by Tarj, it seems, which is very non-U. But definitely more U than Wal-Mart, or Meijer.

Would so like to be pretentious, but feel like a failure,
Jerf

DJ wrote:
HAPPY LOOPHOLE: Is non-U to worry about being non-U.

Jerf wrote:
Oh. Okay. Will just assume that innate aristocratic tendencies will lead us to always choose the U route to follow.
*downs rice krispy treat*
*blows nose loudly*
*kicks off well-worn blue suede Hush Puppy shoes*
*burps*
*considers going to convenience store to buy US weekly*

DJ wrote:
*obvious delight*
Britney?!

*tongue kisses corgi*
*smiles brightly at Jerf, expectantly*

Study the zenith of U sentiment:
"Oh, no, it's not dogs I don't like---it's corgis. They get the blame for all the farts."
[On the Queen'sDogs.] --Diana, Princess of Wales

Jerf wrote:
Ha! I think I have heard this before. Though, it seems irrational that she was disliking them because they were wrongfully accused.

DJ wrote:
Represented Izzie's deceits?

Jerf wrote:
I suppose, although I doubt Di was all that prone to that level of symbolic thinking. Anyway, they are DOGS. Perhaps it is my own genetic wiring but I could not dislike dogs for such a reason.



I mean, come on, heifer, even you have to admit---that's a loveable little guy right there. You can't project your hatred of omeone else's hypocrisy on something as cute as that.

DJ wrote:
I think full-grown corgis are awkwardly stumpy. There. I've said it. I'm sorry.

But The Fox and the Hound were adorable as babies.

Maybe that's what I should do---keep puppies and kittens and sell then when they go through their awkward adolescent phase.

*beat*

It's probably a good thing I don't have babies. . . .

Jerf wrote:
Speaking of which, do you think you will be in the market for a twelve-year-old-boy, say, in about twelve years? I know where you can get one, cheap.

RE: corgis: Your heart pumps ice water.

DJ wrote:
re: ice water
but I am exceedingly U. Too U to raise my own children. Or yours, sow. Hire a Girl.

Jerf wrote:
Wet nurses are very dear right now. Believe me, I would take all the staff I can get at this phase in my life.

DJ wrote:
HAPPILY: I say "what?" and "napkin." Clearly am cut above.

Jerf wrote:
Was always told not to say "what" but rather "pardon me" or "excuse me." Obviously the Family Jerf were very non-U. Am ashamed.

DJ wrote:
Am 'shamed of you, too.

Ooh! we could make U/non-U flashcards for each other!

Serviette/Napkin
Ill/Sick
Bicycle/Cycle!!

Could be fun!

'Loo?

CONFESSION:

DJ wrote:
OPPORTUNITY: I used to always forget the word "doula" and would instead cheerfully substitute "sherpa." Try it. Might make tonight's class fun.

Jerf wrote:
Right. Doula = sherpa. Perfect. Would rather be guided through birth experience by yak-clad, Yeti-fearing, Everest-climbing Nepalese than Chico's-wearing, Lamaze-loving, Enya-listening middle-aged woman with a community college education.

DJ wrote:
SPEAKING OF: Toenails look like should be sticking out of party-end of well-worn Birkenstocks belonging to doula chairing local La Leche League at YMCA.

A.W.O.L.

Jerf wrote:

Where are you, effer?
Off searching for footwear,
horcruxes, booty?

Jerf sits in her cube
and misses her dear e-friend;
sad day with no zen.

Send word you are fine
by pigeon, pony express,
maybe smoke signal.

Am thinking of you
as I read of Reflux; I
send good thoughts your way.

And now, a Poem following no particular scan

Kyle Chandler's tossled hair
tickles at my ear---
Head 'n' Shoulders-scented breath of angels

Feelin' groovy

I just called the USPS to find out about delivery times for a project I have to mail out and got to speak with Luna Lovegood. At length. Needless to say, she didn't really understand what I was asking. But her blood pressure is very, very low.

I put the "Fan" in "Fanatic"

DJ wrote:
Fack, fack, fack! FNL isn't necessarily going to be renewed next season!!

LW wrote:
PLEASE, please, please, please, please, please, please, gods of Kobol, let it stay.

DJ wrote:
*DJ runs into NBC Corporate in Universal City, wearing tight, stained "I [heart] Kyle Chandler's jaw" t-shirt, crazed, tired look on face, screaming*
Who do I have to sleep with? Who?! Tell me!!!
*is escorted out by security*

All the world's a stage

Jerf wrote:
Fark. Have been thinking all morning it's Wednesday. I realize now that it's not. That's really too bad. No FNL for me.

DJ wrote:
Don't worry! "The Pussycat Dolls: Pussycats Search for the New Pussycat" is on tonight!

Jerf wrote:
I actually watched part of that once. And believe me, I did NOT have the brain cells to spare. Wow. They voted someone off because she was too skanky. That made no sense to me.

DJ wrote:
I was sort of thinking we ought to submit our applications next time they are auditioning a new member. . . .

OPPORTUNE IMAGE: Contestant gets confused and shows up to "You're the One That I Want" wearing pussygear. Faltering, she says, "Oh---am I in the right auditorium?"

Jerf wrote:
IMAGE: Jerf enters auditorium where the other pussycat-wannabes are standing. She is wearing a bouffant wig and a vast Jackie O-style dress. JERF (nasally, loudly): Is this the tryouts for "Hairspray"?

DJ wrote:
*Mr. Jerf, in drag, shuffles his feet, shamefaced, as he and Jerf are escorted from auditorium*

Cheetolingus

Jerf wrote:
Okay. Am getting ready to sally forth into the sunshine. Mr. Jerf is skeeving out a little early and we are going to take kitty out and grill on the Weber. Nummy.

DJ wrote:
*snort* Isn't it "skiving off"? I think "skeeving"means he just creeped out all of his coworkers. Hee!

Fair warning

DJ wrote:
EFF: I think we're getting your eighty-degree weather today, hoss. *sigh* Am prepared to walk around house wearing nothing but polyester-blend thong and Johnson & Johnson's baby powder. I don't recommend you sit on the chairs when you visit.

Add a little chlorine to the gene pool

DJ wrote:
I edited a book on Sweden. It is The Perfect Country. No, seriously.

Jerf wrote:
I know. They get a YEAR of PAID maternity leave. Then, free childcare PLUS a subsidy.

DJ wrote:
And have you SEEN that Swedish DNA!? Read: tall, leggy, blond . . .
*sigh*
*flicks off Croatia*

Jerf wrote:
Mediterraneans rock, DJ. Don't you dare imply otherwise.
---she who shaves her toes

DJ wrote:
*bleaches upper lip*
*waxes chin*
*tans deliciously*
I wouldn't want to be anything else, Jerf.

Don't let the bed bugs bite

Jerf wrote:
Check out this link. It's the crib we're getting CFR.

DJ wrote:
That's VERY nice. Well played, heifer.

Jerf wrote:
We'll see what it looks like in person. If it's shoddy looking, we're back to square one.

DJ wrote:
You could always rock the white trash and get a stained single mattress, put it on the floor, and make CFR sleep there. cheap and easy! win-win.

Jerf wrote:
There's always my undie drawer, too.

DJ wrote:
-bathtub

Jerf wrote:
-hamper

DJ wrote:
-cargo pants' pocket

Jerf wrote:
-oven (when not in use)

DJ wrote:
(Thanks for clarification.)
-decorative urn

Jerf wrote:
-window box

DJ wrote:
-All-Clad sautee pan (when not in use)

Jerf wrote:
-spare microwave in basement

DJ wrote:
-flower box

In memoriam

A v. mediocre haiku cycle in honor of Dabbs Greer's untimely end

Have you heard the news?
Bobby Alden shuffled off
after a big meal.

Should have stuck to the
corn pone, with a side of greens.
Eff you, deep-fried pie.

Oyster crackers are
insidious---clogging ar-
teries. Tough luck, Bob.

None left to fill his
stretched suspenders, none
to spread the Good News.

He'll now preach in the
clapboard chapel in the sky.
RIP, big guy.


Dabbs Greer, 1917-2007

I'm your number one fan

So, while we were on vacation this spring, I got really sick for a day and a half or so and was bed-ridden (<-- not the fun kind, either, pervy). Mr. DJ was, of course, an angel (v. masculine angel, natch) and waited on me hand and foot. When I croaked to him one afternoon, "Are you going to take good care of me, my sweetie?" he responded without missing a beat, "Just think of me as your own private Kathy Bates."

Pigs in a blanket

DJ wrote:
Check out the link to the hotel where Mr. DJ and I are staying on our anniversary.

Jerf wrote:
This? Looks AMAZING. Can I come too?

DJ wrote:
AWKWARD: *Mr. DJ, DJ, and Jerf spoon on roomy, squashy king at hotel*

JERF: This is AWESOME! Cheetos with the turn down service! Do they have HBO2?
Mr. DJ: *pulls robe about chest*
DJ: *clears throat* *looks down*
JERF: *beaming* Happy anniversary, guys. Really. *looking sincerely from one face to the next*

Bust my buttons

DJ wrote:

Did I ever tell you about the time at [the university where I used to work as an editor in the grad school offices] when a thesis student came to me to discuss her formatting, and the button on my mauve (sessy!) Old Navy blouse popped open RIGHT in her face, and she sort of shrieked and then laughed and then was very quiet, horrified, all while I didn't miss a beat, buttoned my shirt BACK over the straining bessies, and continued to explain why her top margin had to be 2 inches? And then when she left I broke down in humiliated, nervous laughter and asked permission to go home and change my shirt.

NOBODY won that day. Nobody.

Funn

When asked what she was having when she was c. eight months pregnant with her second child, my sister-in-law would say, "I don't know, but I sure hope it's not a zebra, because its hooves would tear the eff out of my vagina."

I received an email in my in-box . . .

. . . titled "FWD: FWD:Cat bath (attchmnt)."

Is it spam?
Is it promising?

Easy target

Tips from the Britney Spears school of child-rearing (post alleged toddler tooth-whitening debacle):

Buying Doritos, Kool Aid, Slim Jims, and Nehi in bulk leaves change for Camels.
Glue sequins to gums for ready-made grill!
Cat-hair extensions cover infant bald spots
Puree Froot Loops for easier swallowing

Sobering realizations post--Minneapolis bridge tragedy

1. If, in this realization of our own mortality, we rush to tell our loved ones how we feel about them, shouldn't we, then, too rush to tell the people we loathe exactly what we feel about them?
2. Taking "the high road" gets you nowhere.

Truer words . . .

It's not "derivative." It's "homage."

Upsetting . . .

Paula Deen is making sex noises over grit toast.

When DJ goes to visit Jerf . . .

Jerf wrote:
You get the country suite. And you will LIKE it.

DJ wrote:
AM HOPING FOR:
-mauve
-potpourri
-duck theme
-quilted rocking chair cover

Jerf wrote:
not to mention:
-Floral hanger-covers
-braided rug
-doilies

DJ wrote:
-doll collection
-holly hobbie flannel sheets

Jerf wrote:
-decorative tea cups
-the complete works of Janette Oke and the Chicken Soup for the Soul Series

DJ wrote:
-vintage coca-cola bottle collection

Jerf wrote:
-hand-painted wheelbarrow

DJ wrote:
-rusted tractor repurposed as bed-side lamp

Jerf wrote:
(this is starting to sound like my Grandmother's house.)
-yard art rocks

DJ wrote:
ooh. lawn gnomes.

Jerf wrote:
-wooden cut-outs of a man with loose pants bending over, Amish kids swinging, etc.
-ceramic goose wearing gingham frock and sunbonnet

DJ wrote:
-decorative pillow mountain
-frail, mini-chairs not able to support actual weight of anyone living in house; possibly rag doll posed on chair

Jerf wrote:
-Mary Engelbreit wallpaper

DJ wrote:
-"1 + 3 = friends" cross-stitch art

Jerf wrote:
-personalized macramed planter

When the Kat's away, . . .

JERF wrote:

Went to (try to) get my KitKat again today. $%(@ing vending machine would not accept my dollar. You know, the universe may be trying hard to tell me something, but sometimes? the universe just needs to shut the frack up. So I sortied down to the convenience store, bought said confection, and consumed it with great relish. Take that, universe!

UNIVERSE: take that, waistline!

JERF: SHOVE IT.

Hat head

""Well, I was thinking of a simple chignon with maybe a headband, or-- Ooooh!"