Txcdrefrmpls

income inequality in the united states is craaaaaaaayyyyyyyzaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay. 

Pls respond in comments, dear readership; kthx

Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn?
Take the quiz.


from http://www.vanityfair.com/culture/fanfair/2010/09/marilyn-or-jackie-201009
By Pamela Keogh•Illustrations by Meg Hess
September 2010

Excerpted from Are You a Jackie or a Marilyn?, by Pamela Keogh, to be published in October by Gotham Books, a member of Penguin Group (USA), Inc.; © 2010 by the author.


1. DURING TIMES OF STRESS, YOU . . .
a) go for a walk on the beach.
b) meditate.
c) pour gin in your tea.


2. FOR YOU, SEX IS . . .
a) uncomplicated and fun!
b) a way of saying, “Thank you.”
c) a means to an end.


3. BEFORE YOU MEET A MAN FOR DINNER, YOU . . .
a) shave your legs.
b) run a Dun & Bradstreet on the guy.
c) break out your tippy-tallest Manolos and hope for the best.


4. YOU WAKE UP EVERY MORNING . . .
a) with your day completely planned.
b) and do whatever you feel like.
c) turn to the person next to you, and say, “Hello, dear.”


5. YOUR CHILDHOOD IS SOMETHING . . .
a) not discussed.
b) to be celebrated.
c) you've been running from your whole life.


6. YOUR FATHER . . .
a) loved you and gave you confidence.
b) was Clark Gable.
c) taught you to throw a football.


7. YOUR MOTHER . . .
a) scares the hell out of you.
b) left you all of her Balenciaga and Schlumberger.
c) secretly loves your little sister (you know, the “pretty one”) more.


8. AFTER YOU SLEEP WITH SOMEONE FOR THE FIRST TIME, HE . . .
a) offers you the lead in his movie.
b) asks you to marry him.
c) has a Cartier bibelot on the breakfast tray.


9. IN YOUR OPINION, MONEY IS . . .
a) everything.
b) no, we mean it—everything.
c) not that important—as long as you have a roof over your head and Veuve Clicquot in the fridge, you're cool.


10. MEETING YOUR FUTURE MOTHER-IN-LAW FOR THE FIRST TIME, YOU . . .
a) convert to Judaism.
b) brush up on your French.
c) eschew underwear.


11. FORMER BEAUX KEEP UP WITH YOU . . .
a) on Facebook.
b) on the front page of The New York Times.
c) they don't. They're still devastated by the breakup. They'll never get over it. Never.


12. YOUR BEST FRIEND IS . . .
a) your roommate from prep school.
b) your hairdresser, makeup artist, stand-in, publicist, housekeeper, majordomo, Peggy Siegal—or some varying combination.
c) just you, baby. Just you.


13. WHO SAID, “ALL MEN ARE RATS AND CANNOT BE TRUSTED?”
a) Jackie’s father, John “Black Jack” Bouvier
b) Gloria Steinem
c) Marilyn Monroe in Some Like It Hot


14. WHO SAID, “JUST GIVE ME CHAMPAGNE AND GOOD FOOD AND I’M IN HEAVEN AND LOVE”?
a) Oprah Winfrey
b) Ina Garten
c) Marilyn Monroe


15. OF THESE MODERN-DAY CELEBRITIES, WHO IS THE LEAST MARILYN-ESQUE?
a) Madonna
b) Scarlett Johansson
c) Lindsay Lohan


ANSWER KEY


To Determine Scoring:
Tally up your responses, giving yourself one “Jackie” point for each question you answered about her correctly and one “Marilyn” point for each correct Marilyn answer. Whichever score is highest corresponds to your predominant archetype. In case of a tie, you are either kidding yourself or are Uma Thurman.


1) a) Jackie
b) Jackie
c)Marilyn


2) a) Marilyn
b) Marilyn
c) Jackie


3) a) Marilyn
b) Jackie
c) Marilyn


4) a) Jackie
b) Marilyn
c) either


5) a) Marilyn
b) Jackie
c) Marilyn


6) a) Jackie
b) Marilyn
c) neither


7) a) either
b) Jackie
c) Jackie


8) a) Marilyn
b) Marilyn
c) Jackie


9) a) Jackie
b) Jackie
c) Marilyn


10) a) Marilyn
b) Jackie
c) Marilyn (of course)


11) a) neither
b) either
c) Marilyn


12) a) Jackie
b) Marilyn
c)Marilyn


13) a) Black Jack Bouvier


14) c) Marilyn Monroe


15) a) Madonna; while she may have looked like MM in her youth, her MO is pure JKO.

I put it to you, good reader

so, a while back herfi told me she plans to one day get a corgi, because nur, nur, nur. but she couldn't figure out what to name it. i told her i had the PERFECT name:


Corgi Ann Bess


and was met with ringing silence. 


so i ask you, fair reader: ought herfi name her future puppy Corgi Ann Bess? answer me true in the poll to the right.

Mary-Kate or Ashley?

Natalie or Keira?

Who takes it?

cake or pie?

Who wore it better?

Eva Longoria-Parker

Jean Louise Finch

Which Doppelganger, part whichever it is

Zooey Deschanel (left) or Katy Perry (right)?

Vote to the right

now we follow these pretty pixies.

which is it, gentlefolk---carey mulligan (l) or michelle williams (r)?

Six of one, half a dozen of the other

in honor of my just having realized less than four days ago that it's elizabeth banks and not chelsea handler who's been amusing me to no end in her guest stint on 30 rock, i present you with our next poll at priddy, Which doppelganger? part 2.

to your right, my dears.

Vote early! Vote often!

only two weeks left 'til the polls close!

who will it be?

clive

matthew

clive in matthew mask

Hie! Alert! Chicanery afoot!

dear reader, it is with heavy heart that i inform you---the integrity of our poll as been most seriously compromised.

in short, faithful friend(s), i think hoser is stuffing the ballot.

let us examine the evidence.

only the feable-minded would assume---could assume---that my humble Weblog draws the attentions of fourteen sovereign readers, that same number to voice opinion on That Literary Masterwork and Her Offspring. and then, even if my pedantic pen were the pan flute to your rank-and-file rodent, i the Pied Piping Rasputin to your moon-eyed bairn, which i am not, it is sure impossible that a full 42.8 percent of my suffragettes prefer megan fox's ungirdled symmetry to

1. colin firth, dripping wet, his nipples hard and pointy as little tacks,
2. matthew macfadyen training on you his heavy-lashed, patented bedroom blinders, and
3. The Master's fine stroke of the brush on a mere two inches of ivory.

no. effing. way. not my acquaintance.

i most vigorously protest this irregularity.

A Lady considers her disappointments.

Quiz found in British Cosmo, c. 1805

LW and DJ wrote:
1. You are hosting a tea for three and there is only one crumpet left. Would you:

a. call the housemaid for more refreshments,
b. offer to split the crumpet—after all, these are your close friends; you don’t stand on ceremony with them,
c. gravely discuss the evils of inadequate housekeeping,
d. be annoyed that the housemaid hadn’t brought enough refreshments, or
e. eat the crumpet, laughing merrily; first come first serve!

2. You are walking through town, window shopping, and a handsome stranger across the street caught your eye. Would you:

a. blush and look at your feet,
b. keep the utmost decorum and quietly inquire of your sister as to his circumstances, all the while surreptitiously admiring his fine form,
c. gravely discuss the evils of window shopping,
d. giggle and poke your sister in the side with your elbow, or
e. squeal like a three hundred–pound pig.

3. At the ripe age of twenty-five you are proposed to by a rotund, self-serving cleric who is nonetheless assured of a comfortable living. Would you:

a. stammer your excuses and then run to your dear sister and best friend in a muddle—he seems so nice, yet somehow you can’t see yourself marrying him! Oh, how do you say no without hurting his feelings?
b. kindly yet firmly refuse—you do not love him—doing your best to keep from laughing out loud, and later tell the story with great flourish to your best friend over too few scones,
c. chart the advantages and disadvantages to such a match, concluding that accepting would be prudent—you are of the same ilk and, besides, his is the only offer you’ve received,
d. initially guffaw in disbelief, and then, when you notice that his face is quite serious, melt into tears, running away into the garden, or
e. shriek, “Lore! What would I do that for?!” You don’t need to resort to marrying that to have a little fun.

4. You are sitting in the sitting room, dressing your newest silly hat, when you look out the window and see the preacher approaching. Would you:

a. murmur hesitantly, “It would be rather unkind to hide in the garden, and he is bringing crumpets. . . .”,
b. feel your hands balling into a fist, but manage to stay seated; if given the chance, question whether Lady Catherine de Bourgh would approve of the clergy sitting with a gaggle of silly women dressing hats,
c. adjust your dress so that all wrists and ankles are properly covered, and bring your Bible to your side, in case there should be any call to look up Scripture,
d. roll your eyes and whine “MUST we sit with him yet again? Why are there no handsome men in this town?”, or
e. hide in the garden (with just enough snorting and cackling to be heard by guest)

5. Your untalented sister embarks upon her third turn at the harpsichord at a fashionable ball. Would you:

a. listen quietly, noting how she’s really quite improved—she plays the minuet with much greater accuracy than usual!,
b. stare straight ahead, sensing the wicked grins of your arch rivals, refusing to give them the satisfaction of acknowledging that your family is ridiculous,
c. march up to the harpsichord, sheet music in hand, prepared to play several excellently composed dirges as soon as your sister plinks the last note,
d. snort derisively and then pick at the lace on your dress until you notice your younger sister doing something much more interesting on the other side of the room, or
e. sigh loudly and call out, over the music, “What a bore! Let’s play charades!”

6. Walking with your sisters over to your aunt’s house in nearby Meryton for a dinner party, one of your sisters slips and sprains her ankle. Would you:

a. say “Oh, sister dear! Let me wrap that with the dressing from my hat. But what shall we do? I do hope one of the gentlemen comes by on the way to the party,”
b. say “Oh, my dear sister! Please stay still. I will cross the field and get to Meryton in no time. I will bring help presently,”
c. say “I do wish you would be more careful. God helps those who help themselves.”
d. say “We’re going to late for the party! Oh WHY did you have to fall? Now all the most handsome soldiers will be occupied for the first dance,” or
e. say “Lore! Look at her petticoat hanging out on the ground! You’ll never find a husband looking like that!”

7. You overhear a rich, dashing aristocrat speak ill of your “ridiculous” family and your own appearance. Later, he asks you to marry him. Would you:

a. initially be sick with distress at the thought of anyone speaking ill of your family, and, after the proposal, realize that you must have misunderstood what he’d said of your family—he’s so lovely and good hearted! And your frock when he first saw you was awfully plain . . . ,
b. bristle with pride, snapping that he’s really not the prize he seems to think he is; privately you are completely taken by surprise—you had never considered this possibility while laughing at his foibles all throughout your acquaintance,
c. deny him; he’s too focused on the temporal (your family’s comportment and your dowdiness) and not focused enough on the hereafter,
d. say yes immediately! He’s dashing, after all!, or
e. cry, “It’s about time you asked! I can’t hide this pregnancy much longer, you know.”

8. You are at a country dance and notice that your homely neighbor hasn’t yet had a dance partner all evening. Just then, a jolly-looking private asks you for the next turn about the dance floor. Would you:

a. say “I seem to have lost a ribbon off my shoe. But perhaps you would care to dance with Dorcas here?”,
b. Look at your despondent friend Dorcas, look back at the handsome private, gracefully take his hand, but note his ill-breeding at ignoring your friend’s plight,
c. do nothing; you are the “homely neighbor”,
d. excitedly take his hand and go off dancing, or
e. excitedly take his hand and exclaim, “Look, he chose me, who has said so many dances already, when you haven’t had any at all!”

9. You have agreed to compile the Social Events Calendar of the village newspaper, and find you have failed to mail your “status report” to the editor. Do you

a. become so embarrassed that you resign immediately,
b. put on your sturdy walking boots and trudge over hill and dale to deliver the document,
c. grimly set your lips and declare that God must not have wanted those particular ungodly events to be reported,
d. pout when you are told you may not take the carriage to town to deliver it,
e. or take the carriage to town when you are told you may not take the carriage to town to deliver it.

10. The editor of the village newspaper has asked you to punctuate the following sentence: “Mr. Bingham has been found to be bankrupt” Do you end it with a

a. dismayed interrogative,
b. pensive ellipsis,
c. unflappable period,
d. uncertain semi-colon,
e. or giddy exclamation point.

If you answered mostly:

a, you are Jane: introvert, gentle, optimist, grave, naive

b, you are Elizabeth: cheerful, witty, independent thinker, loyal, stubborn

c, you are Mary: bookish, cerebral, purposeful, socially inept, sensible

d, you are Kitty: follower, peevish, petty, fun-loving

e, you are Lydia: fun-loving, self-centered, whimsical, shallow