Pucker up

from bentobjects.com

Analrapist

Reversal

Where's your father? Get him back here!

Sassy in stark shades

 

oh, mobama. i love you.

Bogus!

a'ight, presses specializing in erotic fiction. it is time to up your effing marketing game. your covers are sad. your blurbs are misleading and lowest-common-denominator-y. and now you're stealing each others' art?

 

we understand that this whole e-reader liberation of women's sexuality has been a financial bonanza for you. but would you PLEASE put SOME effort into the packaging?? 

i want to love a book for its cover, dammit!

She ought to be serving hard time for Excessive Cuteness

so, one night during the whole i-was-living-with-her-and-her-sissy-while-their-parents-were-yucking-it-up-in-australia thing, anna was having a hard time (we didn't go get dumplings for dinner), and she asked if she could write her mama an email. so i set her up on my computer, and she proceeded to take a painfully long time writing the start of one line, slavishly pecking out each key, letter by letter, with her illegally adorable chubby baby fingers. 

well, we had to leave for dinner before she could finish, so we closed the laptop and left the note 'til later that night. but by the time we got home, she said she was feeling fine and wanted me to delete the email she had started and that she would write her mama something new the next day instead. 

so, i opened up my laptop to delete the message, but before i could i was overcome by Bad Aunta and just had to read her private little missive. and, oh my god, her anguish is the cutest thing i've ever seen in my life. 

*** ANNA'S ABORTED NOTE TO MAMA ***

der mom i'm caydof haven the wrst

It makes all the sense in the world

so, a little while ago i moved in with my sweet nieces to take care of them while their parents were in australia. the girls were fascinated by the thought of a fourteen-plus-hour plane journey from the western united states to australia, and we kept fairly close tabs on when their parents would have taken off, been in the air, and landed in sydney.

a day or so after their departure, little anna, 6, wanted to write her parents an email. after she spazzed all over the keyboard and really had more fun clowning around than actually writing WORDS (because WORDS are BORE-ing. —ed.), i prepared to send the email.


actual message from anna to her parents

but the message wouldn't send, for some reason.

anna watched me fiddle around with the email client, trying to figure out the nature of the problem, and as my cursor rested over the "Plain Text" link, she said, with a patronizing sigh, "they're not on the plane anymore, aunta DJ."

Let this be a lesson to you

buy your domain name.

this beautiful thing happened to guy fieri:

 

the following enlarged from http://guysamericankitchenandbar.com/

 



 

"Downloading . . ."

my man is suffering through a very long xbox update, and about three minutes into it he said, "this update better be making me free food. *pause* *excited salesman voice* 'we're turning your TV into a microwave!!!' *pause* now that would be an update."

So . . . Clinton/Warren 2016?

Litany of Horrors: A photographic journey to a very dark place

remember this guy at the super bowl?



well, here's his official website:

http://www.johnmaucere.com/

whence i pulled this:

(i don't understaaaaaaand!)

but a brief google search yielded the real hotness that is john maucere, circa 1984 Safari Cowboy pose:
 

("maaaaaaw! where's all the Shed Spread at??")

let's go in for a closeup:

here y'are.



** finis **

Pardon me . . .

. . . but during all that mess and hubbub, didn't Entergy insist it was "a customer-side problem"?

assholes.

Hook, line, sinker

how jak got into opera:

Compare and contrast

(1) 


(2)


(3)


(4)


(5)


(6)



(7)

which soprano?

vote to the right.